


Five Kisses

by oh_imintrouble



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, I just love these nerds a lot, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstanding, So much kissing, all problems could be fixed by communication, cooking together, self-doubting Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:17:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8341318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_imintrouble/pseuds/oh_imintrouble
Summary: It hadn’t seemed out of the ordinary at the time. Victor had always been free with his affection; throwing out compliments, light caresses, even the occasional peck to the cheek. After a little over a week of having him as his coach, Yuuri was sure he had gotten used to it. It was just a Westerner thing, no use getting riled up if Victor wasn’t going to be stopping it anytime soon.
Then it happened.
~~~
Victor likes kissing Yuuri and Yuuri is frustratingly dense





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings for this gay ass anime okay I needed to get them all out

1.

It hadn’t seemed out of the ordinary at the time. Victor had always been free with his affection; throwing out compliments, light caresses, even the occasional peck to the cheek. After a little over a week of having him as his coach, Yuuri was sure he had gotten used to it. It was just a Westerner thing, no use getting riled up if Victor wasn’t going to be stopping it anytime soon.

Then it happened.

It had been a tough day on the ice, he had fallen more times than he would like to admit while trying to nail a particularly hard jump, and Victor had been ruthless. If he thought the Russian went overboard with praise, it was nothing compared to his criticism. 

Yuuri knew it was for his own good, that he was only trying to drive him to do better. That didn’t make it any easier to hear. His hands hit the ice first, breaking his fall, and he grunted at the impact. His chest was heaving, breathing labored, and stared as his breath manifested in puffs of air. He balled his hands into fists, sitting on his knees, and slammed one fist down in frustration. His eyes burned with the threat of tears, and he mentally chastised himself for being so weak. 

“-alright?” 

Yuuri looked up through blurry eyes, his nose red from the cold and his own frustration, and saw Victor standing above him. His brows were knitted together in concern, and he repeated himself as he offered his hands to the younger man.

“Yuuri, are you alright?”

He took his hands and quickly nodded, dropping his gaze to the ice as he was pulled back to his feet.

“Here, I’ll show you again, yes?” Victor offered, making sure Yuuri was stable before letting him go. He pushed away from him, gliding across the ice with practiced ease, and just as he finished a lap around the rink, he pushed himself. Effortlessly he spun, landing the jump on one skate then turning back to his student. “One more.”

Just one more try. One more try before he gave up—worse, before Victor gave up. Yuuri  rubbed his arm across his eyes, drying them with the sleeve of his sweater, before nodding. He waited until Victor left the rink to instead stand at the entrance, and took his coach’s course. Yuuri made one lap around the rink, mentally preparing himself before he pushed up-

And stuck the landing.

He did it! His momentum kept him going forward, and he threw his arms up with a jubilant shout as he glided towards the entrance.

“Bravo! Marvelous!” Victor cheered, meeting his enthusiasm. Just as Yuuri hit the edge of the rink, he cupped his face in his hands, ducking his head down to press a kiss to his lips. 

And just like that Yuuri’s world stood still.  

Victor just…Victor just kissed him. And just as quickly as it had happened, it stopped, and Yuuri was left to stand there, completely dumbfounded. His cheeks were flushed, eyes wide, and mouth slightly agape. Completely unphased, Victor turned to head towards the bench, saying something or another about “promise is a promise” that didn’t quite reach Yuuri’s ears. He touched his fingertips to his lips, the warmth from the kiss lingering, showing him that it had indeed actually happened.

He quickly shook it off, writing the kiss off as just another Westerner thing. Surely, Victor was just excited that he had finally managed the jump. It was just a one time thing, would never happen again…right?

 

2.

Wrong. Very very wrong.

A week had passed since the…incident, and Yuuri still wasn’t completely over it. He had never seen Victor kiss another person on the lips—the cheek, yes, but never the lips. That thought stayed at the back of his mind, nagging at him whenever he allowed his thoughts to wander. 

_ But why would it mean something? _ The more rational part of his mind would fire back.  _ This is Victor, the ice skating world’s most eligible bachelor, why would he kiss  _ you?

Right. Of course. Just a fluke.

Until he was sure it wasn’t.

Being Russian, Yuuri had assumed that Victor had an iron constitution, that he could drink anyone under the table without so much as experiencing a slight buzz himself. Oh how wrong he was.

Just as they were leaving Ice Castle, Takeshi stopped them at the door. He asked if the two of them wanted to go out that night, hang out with him and Yuuko while his parents watched the triplets. While Yuuri had wanted to decline, to go home and rest, he saw how Victor lit up and knew there was no avoiding it.

What he had assumed would be a peaceful night was anything but. They had spent hours at the karaoke bar, throwing back every type of sake Victor saw and insisted on trying. It was only four glasses in when Yuuri noticed a change in him. While Yuuko forced her husband into a duet, the Russian leaned heavily against Yuuri.

He looked over at the other man, assuming he had fallen asleep, and tensed when his gaze met a pair of intense, bright blue eyes. His eyes seemed a bit hazy, his cheeks flushed, and his grey hair falling in his face. 

“Yuuri~” he purred, wrapping his arms around the younger man. “Yuuri, you’re still wearing your contacts?” He leaned in closer, cocking his head inquisitively, before tapping his finger against the bridge of his nose, just where his glasses would have sat.

“Ah, y-yeah, I left my glasses at home,” he said, trying to lean back out of his grip, but failing with nowhere to go.

“Pretty,” he murmured, tracing his finger down his nose before cupping his cheeks in his hands.

“P-pretty?”

“Your eyes,” Victor sighed, running his thumbs along his cheeks then up around his orbital bones, “they’re very pretty. You’re cute with your glasses, but your eyes are very pretty without. I like them.”

Yuuri swallowed thickly, and was suddenly very aware of just how hard his heart was beating. “So are yours,” he blurted, cheeks flushed an even brighter red. “I-I mean, I…I like your eyes too.”

He gave a pleased hum, and leaned in close, clumsily pressing his lips to his. Their noses bumped, he felt the graze of teeth on his bottom lip, and he swore he could taste the sake they'd been drinking. Yuuri relaxed into it, warmth pooling in his cheeks and in his stomach, and found himself kissing Victor back. It was just the sake, he would tell himself, he'd had too much to drink and it had all just hit him. That was it. Just alcohol fueling Yuuri’s underlying desire for affection and willing him to misconstrue Victor’s attention. 

Just as Yuuri was about to press into the kiss, Victor pulled away, a soft smile on his lips and his eyes glossy. He nodded to himself, as though he was affirming something, then moved a hand up to tousle his hair. “Yuuri is very pretty.”

 

3.

Yuuri was sure he was going crazy.

Every time he was around Victor, he couldn’t get the memories of his lips against his out of his head, and would quickly find a reason to remove himself from the situation. Practice he could handle, he could keep his distance, but when they were in the inn there was no escape. It was like he was a small animal trying to hide from a predator—a stupidly beautiful predator. 

No. He couldn’t think that way about his coach. He had to maintain his distance, reinforce their strictly professional relationship, and not let himself get swept away by delusions. 

That was far easier said than done.

Victor stated one evening that he was worried about Yuuri, that maybe he had fallen into a routine and things were becoming too mundane for him. He wanted to break up the monotony, do something different. He had completely ignored Yuuri when he pointed out they went to karaoke just a week ago, and decided that night that they would cook dinner together.

After an unnecessarily long trip to the store—Victor had to stop and look at just about everything and insisted that Yuuri take a picture for him—they were standing in the kitchen of the inn together. Victor had the ingredients laid out on the counter, and was rummaging through the cupboards for the utensils they would need.

“Mama would always make me pierogies when I was having a bad day,” he said, filling a pot with water, “so today I will teach you. They are like dumplings, but filled with potatoes and cheese.”

Yuuri watched him as he moved, gaze locked on his strong hands as he kneaded the dough. 

“Ah, Yuuri, do this for me while I mash the potatoes,” he directed, stepping back to wipe his flour-coated hands on a towel before taking a boiling pot off the stove.

He did as he was instructed, sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and glanced at the Russian from the corner of his eyes. Victor had moved the potatoes from water to a bowl and was grating cheese over them, idly humming a song Yuuri didn’t recognize as he did. He seemed to have felt his gaze on him, because he turned his head towards Yuuri, giving him a bright smile when he caught his eye.

The younger man quickly dropped his gaze back to the dough, and reached one hand up to push his glasses back up into place. Once he was sure he was done he covered the dough with a bowl as Victor instructed, and went to wipe the flour off his hands. 

After letting it rest long enough they set to rolling out the dough and filling the small wrappers with the filling, Yuuri avoiding looking at Victor the entire time they worked. Victor didn’t seem to notice the change, and worked in relative silence, returning to his soft song. He boiled the small dumplings as they were filled, and plated them once they were finished. He dropped a dollop of sour cream on the plate beside them, then held it up to Yuuri with a pleased smile.

Yuuri took one from the plate, and took a bite, trying to avoid looking at the excited look on Victor’s face. He actually perked up, and gave a slight nod, finally meeting his coach’s eyes. “It’s good—really uh, dense, but it tastes good.”

Victor looked at him like he had given the best compliment in the world, like if he was Makkachin his tail would be wagging and he was about to jump up and completely cover him in kisses.

Part of that was right.

The taller man leaned down, giving Yuuri a chaste kiss, so unlike the others he had received. When he stood tall once more he nodded once, and gave him a thumbs up. “A treat and a kiss to chase the grey clouds away!”

 

4.

Yuuri wondered what Victor would think if his kisses were doing the exact opposite. Would he stop? Would he insist everything is alright and continue bestowing unnecessary kisses upon him? Would he think Yuuri was strange for overanalyzing the small signs of affection?

What if he left him?

It would be exceptionally awkward if he told Victor why he didn’t like the kisses; if he found out just how much they meant to Yuuri when to him they were nothing. Not only would he be losing his coach, his idol, but if Victor left, he would be losing a good friend. And that just wasn’t something he wanted to think about.

Deciding a soak in the hot springs would put him at ease, he stripped down in the changing area just before the springs, wrapping a towel around his waist for modesty’s sake as he walked to the water. He dropped the towel to a nearby stone, and sunk into the hot water, feeling his anxiety and tension begin to melt away. This was exactly what he needed, he thought as he crossed his arms on one of the rocks, resting his cheek on his arm. 

After they had cooked dinner Yuuri had managed to avoid his coach for a couple days. Victor made it easy, he had promised to give him a short break on the condition that he would still go for a run in the morning and not complain when they started right back in with intensive training. Yuuri hopped on the chance, and since the agreement, every time he saw Victor he would come up with an excuse to leave, claim he was feeling sick so he wouldn’t try to follow him as he ducked into a nearby bathroom or his bedroom.

It was always getting harder though. Every time he left, he caught a glimpse of the look on Victor’s face, the confusion and hurt lingering in his otherwise bright blue eyes. He hated seeing him look like that, and even worse, hated being the cause of it. Victor should always be smiling, he decided. Victor should always be happy, cheeks flushed and eyes bright and that big grin that could make even the darkest day bright. And Yuuri wanted to be the reason for it.

“I love him,” he sighed, turning to bury his face in his arms.

That was it. Yuuri had always admired him, always had a slight fanboy crush on the Russian. Having Victor there with him, being able to talk to him and touch him and feel his kisses, all of it just confirmed what he always knew deep down. Yuuri loved him. And that wasn’t okay.

He had to push his feelings aside, ignore the tug he felt in his heart whenever Victor smiled at him or complimented him, had to keep things professional. Because he would much rather have Victor in his life, no matter the distance he put between them, than tell him his true feelings and have Victor leave him.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been soaking before he heard the door slide open, the light padding of feet on the ground, then the water splash as the person stepped into the spring. He ignored their presence, until he couldn’t.

“Yuuri? Are you still not feeling well? If you are sick you shouldn’t be in the spring—what if you get lightheaded?”

He swallowed thickly, gathering his courage, then finally sat up to look at Victor. “I’m fine,” he insisted, turning so his back was to the rocks and he was facing his coach. The Russian was far closer than he anticipated, and he quickly pulled his knees up to his chest, shrinking into himself as Victor leaned in to inspect him. 

Victor cupped his face in his hands, turning his head this way and that, before humming. “You seem tense. Let me help.” He moved to sit behind him, patting his back with a soft “scoot” so Yuuri would move forward to make room for him.

“R-really, Victor, I’m fine-“ he tried, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Still, he moved, giving Victor more than enough room so he hopefully wouldn’t feel the need to sit too close.

“Nonsense, it’s part of my job to help you,” he said cheerily, setting his hands on his shoulders. He started far up on his shoulders, at the base of his neck where Yuuri seemed to holding the most of his tension, and gently massaged his pale skin.

They sat in silence for a long while, Yuuri trying his best to relax as Victor moved his hands down from his shoulders to his spine then the small of his back, nearing his tailbone. It was comfortable, a companionable silence, like they were the only two left in the world. Then Victor’s hands faltered. He slid his hand from his tailbone forward to his hip, holding him in place, while his other hand moved up to turn Yuuri’s chin towards him.

“Relax, Yuuri~” he purred, his breath warm against his lips. 

Yuuri had wanted to move away, to jump up from the spring and retreat to the safety of his bedroom, but found his legs didn’t want to work. He saw the look on his face, how his eyes were half closed, his cheeks flushed and lips parted slightly, and he was putty in his hands.

He leaned in, and Victor closed the distance between them. The kiss was tender, gentle, and Yuuri carefully turned to face him without disrupting it. He tentatively placed his hands on Victor’s shoulders, and the other man dropped both hands to his waist to pull him closer. Victor’s teeth grazed his bottom lip, and his breath hitched in his throat, warmth building in his stomach. Yuuri moved one hand into his hair, feeling the soft, silver locks slip through his fingers, and heard a soft sound in the other man’s throat.

No. Wait. What was he doing?!

Yuuri quickly pushed himself back, his hands at Victor’s chest, and stared at him through wide eyes. Okay. No. Even if soft little kisses were just a Westerner thing, there was no way this was. Victor must have figured out what was going on in his head and decided to play with him.

The younger man scrambled out of the hot spring, snatching his towel as he ran back inside, the threat of tears burning his eyes. It wasn’t fair—he tried so hard to push his feelings aside, to ignore the ache he felt in his chest whenever Victor smiled at him. He tried so hard to be normal, and it hadn’t worked. And now, Victor was probably going to leave him. 

 

5+

Yuuri hadn’t left his room in hours; tucked safely under numerous blankets and wrapped in too big sweatshirt and pants from his chubby days, he ignored everyone that tried to speak with him. Not purposefully, it was just that whenever someone knocked and he didn’t answer, they assumed he wasn’t in his room and gave up. He should have known better than to think Victor would be the same.

There was a soft knock on his door before he heard it open, his soft voice breaking the silence of his room with a, “Yuuri?”

He had to have already seen him, the pitiful bundle of fabric on his bed, so what was the point in ignoring him? He gave a noncommittal grunt, and shifted to face the door though he remained under his blankets. 

“May I come in?”

No, bad idea. Distance, distance was key, and Yuuri couldn’t let him get too close again. 

“Please, Yuuri?”

He slowly pulled the blankets down so he could see, and looked up to see Victor leaning his head in the doorway, the light from the hallway illuminating his face. He looked worried… 

“…Okay. Come in.”

Victor perked up, and quickly closed the door behind him, freezing when the room was put into darkness. “Ah, Yuuri-“ 

Yuuri pushed himself so he was sitting up, and turned the switch for the lamp beside his bed, basking the room in a warm glow. He looked up at his coach, and felt a lump forming in his throat. Had Victor been…crying?

The Russian wasted no time in taking a seat at the foot of his bed, giving him his space, and set his hands in his lap. He could tell he was having a hard time with the situation by the way he fidgeted, looking uncharacteristically nervous. He chewed his bottom lip a moment, fiddling with his fingers, before sighing. “Yuuri, I-“

“I’m sorry.”

Victor finally looked at him, brows furrowed and looking far too like a sad puppy for Yuuri’s heart to handle. “You-“

“I…I’ve been avoiding you, and I know I shouldn’t have. I just…I couldn’t handle all the attention and the affection when I know it doesn’t actually mean what I think it means and it’s not fair to you that my brain is wrong and I tried to stop I really did but I just can’t and-“ he felt tears he hadn’t known were building slip down his cheeks, and he hastily brought his hands up to brush them aside.

Victor was on him in an instant, sitting on his knees just in front of Yuuri, shaking hands wiping his tears away. “Wait, Yuuri, wait,” he insisted, ducking his head down to meet his eyes. He saw his adams apple tremble, and he cleared his throat. “I- ah- no, wait- what do you…what do you think it means?”

Yuuri shook his head quickly, and tried to bury his face in his arms, only to have Victor’s strong hands stop him. He had his face cupped in his hands, forcing him to look in his eyes, and for the hundredth time Yuuri thought that it just wasn’t fair for him to be this beautiful, this genuine. “It’s not…it’s not what I think it means, i-it’s what I  _ want _ it to mean. And I know those are different. A-And I’m sorry for thinking about you that way, I just-“

Victor hadn’t let him finish that thought, and instead pressed his lips to his. This kiss was so much different from the others, it wasn’t happy, wanting, comforting, heated, it was…desperate. His shaking hands dropped to the collar of his sweatshirt, balling the material in tight fists, and he kissed him hard, a mess of lips and teeth and noses bumping. 

“ _ Please, _ ” Victor whispered, finally breaking the kiss, but still leaving no space between the two of them. “Please tell me what it is you want, Yuuri,” he begged, one hand moving from his collar to his hair, gripping almost painfully.

There was no escape. No way to just shrug off everything he had said. Victor had heard it all, and from the determined look in his eyes, he wasn’t going to just let this go. Yuuri swallowed the lump in his throat, his own hands now clutching at the front of the other’s shirt, and dropped his gaze to his chest. He couldn’t look at him.

“I want to not love you like I do,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I want my heart to stop jumping whenever you smile at me. I want to be able to look at you without wanting to k-kiss you. I want to stop blushing because you- you compliment me or you get that look in your eyes- like you’re just so  _ so  _ proud of me. I want to stop dreaming about waking up beside you. I want to stop hoping that you’ll always be by my side.” He couldn’t see straight, had given up on wiping away his tears the second he heard the weakness in his voice. But still, he looked up at Victor, the vague outline of his hair, his cheekbones, his jaw, keeping him grounded, reminding him of what he had done. “But…but more than all of that…I want you to love me like I love you.”

They were quiet for what felt like an eternity, until Yuuri’s eyes could no longer produce tears and that uncomfortable knot in his stomach stopped making him feel like he would be physically ill any second. When he could finally see Victor again, he saw the slightest hint of a smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri,” he murmured, shaking his head, and lessened his grip on his collar to run his fingers along the side of his neck. He brought his thumb up to caress his jaw, and his gaze dropped to his lips for a moment. “I cannot grant you your wishes.” Victor leaned in to press his lips to his again, and this time, he kissed him until Yuuri felt the tension leave his shoulders. He pressed his forehead against his, and gave a soft huff. “I cannot grant you your wishes,” he repeated, running his fingers through the hair at the back of his head, “because I am a selfish, selfish man.”

Yuuri swallowed thickly, and pulled away to get a good look at him. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

Victor smiled, this time allowing it to reach his eyes. “I thought I had been fairly obvious with my intentions—actions tend to speak louder than words—but I suppose you need to hear it to believe it.” He cleared his throat, then leaned in close enough for his breath to tickle his ear. “I love you. Unapologetically.”

He…was dreaming, wasn’t he? This was just some cruel joke his subconscious had wanted to play on him, to get his hopes up once again. Yuuri stared at Victor when he pulled back, searching for anything that would prove his suspicion right. But he saw nothing. No hint of laughter, of malice, just pure, genuine love and affection in his gaze.

“Shall I say it again?” Victor murmured, his voice low, husky, and honestly too much for him to handle at that moment. “I lo-“

Yuuri put a finger to his lips to silence him, his cheeks flushed bright red. The Russian looked surprised for a moment, but relaxed, giving him a smile before kissing the tip of his finger. Seeing his blush spread to his ears, Victor took his hand in his, peppering the skin in feather-light kisses, taking extra care of his knuckles. Once satisfied, he gingerly set Yuuri’s hand on his chest.

“This heart beats for you, Yuuri.” 

If he had been nervous, he wasn’t showing it. The only thing showing Yuuri that he was having a hard time with all this was the fast-paced beating under his fingertips. 

“Are my intentions clear now?”

The younger man nodded once, and Victor smiled so brightly he could illuminate the room, the inn, probably even the entirety of Japan.

“Good! Now, I probably should have asked this in the first place, but Yuuri…can I kiss you?”

“…Please.”

**Author's Note:**

> help me these gays are ruining my life


End file.
